A journey into motherhood- My Pregnancy. By Emma Hawkins

Hello! Firstly, I would just like to say thank you to Wattle Health Australia for having me on board. At first, I was really hesitant to do any kind of work from a content creation side and also an ambassadorial role in the “mothering” category as I didn’t want to open myself up to criticism. However, I quickly learned that our values and morals are parallel and I 100% support everything they are doing, especially supporting our local economy and farmers!  One thing I have noticed since becoming a mum and sharing some of my thoughts on Instagram, is how lovely my network and following is. I really appreciate the support that everyone has given to me.

So, let’s get right to it and start with my journey into motherhood. Which obviously started with my pregnancy. I was pretty candid throughout my Instagram account during my pregnancy, but today I will share with you in a little more detail some of the things you may not have known. So read on if it interests you!

Tom and I were so lucky that we fell pregnant straight away. I know this might not be the case for everyone. For some reason I thought it would take longer. So when it happened straight away, it took me by surprise and to be honest, a little while to get excited about it. It also didn’t help that I was so sick. And I don’t mean that I had a little bit of morning sickness here and there. I mean bedridden. It also didn’t help when I couldn’t hold down anything for five months.

Because of this, I had to spend a lot of time in and out of hospital on a drip to manage my hydration. It sounds a little dramatic but it is very common for many women who experience severe morning sickness. So with all that going on, clearly I was having a ball!

After surviving morning sickness I also experienced random outbursts of tears. I would find myself crying over the oddest things. For example; Tom trimmed the hedge in our garden without telling me. And then I lost it! I went crazy!

“You need to inform me of such big decisions. I feel so left out of everything,” I sobbed. To which Tom looked back at me blankly and said, “So… I need to let you know when I want to trim a hedge?” Yes mate. Clearly you do!!

I couldn’t believe how irrational I had become! I found work really difficult as well. I was forgetting everything and I was so tired (which I believe happens to everyone). I felt like calling up every person that was pregnant before me and letting them know that I was sorry for not understanding that they were REALLY, REALLY tired and that the rush of hormones makes you semi-insane.

The good news is, things started looking up. At about five months, I started getting really excited and found myself enjoying pregnancy. This lasted three weeks.

At around six months, fluid retention became my best friend and my boobs had officially grown to size HH! I promise I am not over exaggerating. I have always had a large bust (EE), but this was NEXT LEVEL! It was so uncomfortable. And then after spending hundreds of dollars on new bras, I developed osteitis pubis (or pelvic instability). And it was awful.

I remembered that Zoe Foster Blake had this (which kind of made me think we could be friends if not soul mates!) However, because I didn’t know her, I did the next best thing. I read her article on how she dealt with this same condition over and over again to try and make myself feel better. If you have this yourself, I highly recommend reading her article on it. For those who are unaware of this condition, this is how I would describe it:

Every time I walked it felt like a butcher’s knife was being stabbed into the top of my pubic bone.

But don’t get too down if you suffer from it. You get to wear awesome pelvic belts the rest of your pregnancy which helps (mildly in my case).

Bless my husband Tom. I found him so annoying during this stage because he had no idea just how much pain I was in. He just kept saying that ‘he couldn’t understand how I had a footballer’s injury considering I hadn’t been doing anything.’ I wanted to punch him in the face! Heads up guys. This is not just a footballer’s injury!

So we have:

  • Sickness (tick)
  • HH boobs (tick)
  • Fluid retention (tick)
  • Pelvic instability (tick)

Surely, there was nothing else?! Oh no wait…

Bring on hemorrhoids! Yep. I had no idea what on earth they were until I went to the airport one day. I had been on my feet for three long days styling a product photo shoot and then caught a flight to Sydney for a friend’s wedding. As I was waiting for the plane, I started to feel an awful discomfort. I called my midwife and she explained what they were (I’ll save you the details!)  I got on the plane, sat down next to Tom and started sobbing (just for a change).

I was so uncomfortable. EVERYWHERE. The last thing I wanted to do was get on a plane and go to a wedding. Luckily, it wasn’t so bad once I was there. I mean, I ended up having to wear thongs because my feet were so swollen I couldn’t fit into the practical ballet flats I bought. And I stupidly wore a green silk dress which I sweated through (that was attractive). Everyone at the wedding was being so polite and telling me how gorgeous I looked. HA! Liars! But I appreciated it.

It was at 38 weeks when I finally decided to stop working. In hindsight that should have been earlier. I had gotten to the point where I didn’t care. I had gained 28kgs, was measuring at 48 weeks pregnant and couldn’t wear shoes. I would google Kimmy K and Jessica Simpson when they were pregnant just to make myself feel better as I found it so hard to relate to anyone. Everyone around me, who had been pregnant or who was pregnant, all seemed to be one of those amazing, genetically blessed women who just carried the bump and had a glow.

To be honest, this was the feeling I found most difficult to process during this time. I couldn’t talk about how hard or upset I was feeling. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful and I didn’t want to appear like I was complaining. I was incredibly lucky and so blessed to be pregnant and I knew that there would be people who would do absolutely anything to be in my position hemorrhoids and all!

I guess what this process taught me was that it is okay to let people know that pregnancy is tough and that it is ok to say you are struggling. At the end of the day it’s your reality and an individual experience you are going through. One of my girlfriends was bed ridden in hospital for three months before she gave birth. And I never heard her complain once. I can’t imagine how I would cope with that.

At the end of the day, everyone is different. Pregnancy is a very personal journey. But all I will say is, if you want to complain, do it. If you are having the best pregnancy and loving every minute, say it. Show your bump off or don’t show your bump off. Cry. Laugh. Love it or hate it. Everyone is different and every pregnancy is unique. You should do whatever feels right for you without judgement.

Growing a baby is the best thing ever and I would do it over and over again. I was meant to be a mum. This was 100% one of my callings in life. I love it so much but that doesn’t mean I am finding every aspect about it easy, but we can talk about that in more depth next month.

If there are any topics you want me to chat about, please let me know. I look forward to sharing my motherhood journey with you all.

Written by Emma Hawkins.

Please note that these experiences are personal and may not be relatable to each reader. It is one individual’s perspective. We ask that people refrain from any negative commentary directed to others or the individual. We respect that each person has their own opinion and we encourage feedback but please ensure it isn’t delivered in a hurtful manner. Any derogatory or highly aggressive statements will be removed and anyone who is trolling will automatically be blocked from participating in this forum.

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